09-12-01  ::  Selfishness - Everyone Else’s Problem

Though I don’t like to admit it, I’m selfish.   I try not to be; I really do!   I just always seem to have some selfish motive to whatever I do – or don’t do.

I love helping others, and going out of my way to serve – these things really bring me joy.  It’s just that sometimes… I’ll get cranky, or grumpy, or just downright tired.  I’ll become demanding – or at least whiny – vocally wondering why others don’t seem to be as interested in serving me as much as I serve them.

Yeah, that’s really mature, Travis.

Thing is, I’m usually totally off-base with my assessment of the situation – in other words, I overreact.  I’ll get quiet and snippy, trying to be obvious that I’m upset without coming right out and saying it.  I’ll blow others’ perceived wrongs out of proportion in my mind, while minimizing the importance of my own selfishness.

So what if someone really is slighting me?   Why should I be so offended?   Why should I act as if I have every right to retract my own (admittedly small) selflessness?   If I’m to love my enemies, by what grounds can I refuse love to friends and family who upset me?

I truly am a wretched sinner.   Praise God for his grace and mercy.